His plan was to 'break everything and loot everything in order to resist fascism', but by the time he left his parent's basement, Portland had already been looted and destroyed. Fortunately another riot is scheduled for tonight.
Since 9,700 BC
Banana Republic of America News
POWER GRAB: Nancy Pelosi calls for 'packing' the legislature with 3rd house.
By adding a third legislative house of government, Pelosi says only 2 out of 3 houses would need to vote to pass legislation.
20 Cent 'excited' about paying higher taxes under Biden.
The rapper formerly known as 50 Cent had disavowed his blackness by supporting Trump, before being talked off the plantation by woke white woman Chelsea Handler.
NFL legend Dan Marino confused as being legendary rocker Frank Marino from Mahagany Rush.
Music fan Bob Parsely arrived for a "Marino the Legend" autograph session in Miami, only to get let down. "Why did you cut your hair man? What are you doing?... Boy band music now? I'm outt here!" declared Mr. Parsley.
Trend modeler predicts nobody will play musical instruments by the year 2030.
Once upon a time people aspired to play guitar like Eddie Van Halen or drums like Meg White. Sadly, it will soon be just DJ's pushing buttons and twisting knobs.
Fascism in Portland up 0.87% in 3rd quarter.
Results surprised analysts, who were expecting a decline of 8%. ANTIFA vows to ramp up riot production.
U2 to travel by hot air balloons for 2021 world tour in order to fight climate change.
When asked how hot air will move 500 tons of props, gear and equipment, Bono replied "But this is gonna save the planet".
Miami Dolphis in the crosshairs of activists.
Dolphins name denigrates other marine life such as manitees, sword fish, sharks and blue fin Tuna. FedEx calls for boycott.
